Imagine this: you’re at dinner with friends and the topic of romance comes up. Everyone groans when someone asks, “What are the secrets to a long-lasting marriage?” Like asking your grandmother for the recipe to her famous lasagna – everyone has their own opinion, but nobody knows for affordable couples counseling near me.
As a Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve witnessed it all. Families that are more like soap operas than couples who barely communicate. I will share with you some nuggets which might help you avoid these relationship landmines.
Let’s start by talking about communication. No, we’re not talking about the kind of communication you do when you scroll down Instagram and nod. Real communication is similar to a game of catch. You throw, and the other person catches; you throw, and they catch. Simple? Sure. Easy? Not always.
Imagine Sarah John. Sarah says that she feels neglected when John spends so much time working. John responds to Sarah’s statement, “You don’t really care about my future.” by stating that he has been working hard on their behalf. This is a classic mistake! Instead of catching Sarah’s feeling (her words), he instead threw away his own frustration.
Listen first. Respond second. It’s a good idea to repeat what the other person said before you offer your two cents. It’s magic to say, “I know you feel neglected by my late work.”
Now let’s change gears to the resolution of conflict. Have you noticed how some arguments spiral quickly out of control, like a toddler addicted to sugar? The reason is that people tend to fight rather than settle issues. Newsflash, winning an argument usually means that you’ll lose something else – like peace or faith.
Emma and Mike, my clients, are a great example. After a long fight over dirty dishes, weekend plans and everything else they realised that both were seeking validation instead of solutions.
A ground rule for arguments worked wonders: no name-calling. no bringing past mistakes up. and no storming away mid-conversation as though you’re in an emotional movie scene.
Family dynamics can get very tangled. Imagine the family as a giant spider web in which every thread impacts another.
Lisa felt overwhelmed when managing the schedules for her children while Dave was oblivious of her stress. Lisa was initially resentful, but she finally admitted that she needed help. Dave didn’t feel attacked.
Dave responded better that expected because guess why? People don’t know what you are thinking! Speak up for yourself if your family needs support or changes.
Humor has a huge role to play in relationships. Consider it WD-40 for the human connection. It helps ease tension. One couple I met used humor in their relationship to cope with stressful situations like parenting or financial issues. They made jokes even about their sessions at therapy!
Don’t forget to care for yourself. It’s not selfish. You can’t fill a cup that is empty. It helps you maintain your sanity by taking solo walks and engaging in hobbies that are separate from family and partner duties.
It may seem cliche but, despite what you might think, gratitude always goes further than complaining. When we acknowledge each other, it creates positive feedback loops. Arguments can’t break them.
If someone ever asks what your secrets are to a relationship, you can share them with confidence (and save the person from future sneers). Remember, we all thrive together when we love each other and understand one another.